It’s our wedding anniversary today! We’ve been together for 10 years and married for seven. When we got married and said our vows to each other in front of family and friends we made a promise that we would be together forever.

I never realised when I said that, that I would love M more now than I did then. When you’re 23 and in a gorgeous silk dress facing your handsome fiance you think that you couldn’t ever love him more that you do in that moment. But you can.

Seven years, 2 continents, 2 kids, 3 houses and multitudes of highs and lows later… I love him more than ever. And I know I will go on growing in love with him more day by day. How do we do it?

I read a recent article that not only gave me tips but also showed me that M and I are on the right path.

So here are my tips for you: single, engaged, newly married or old married, here’s how to stay married forever.

1. Don’t talk past 10pm. We were taught this in an Alpha Marriage course. At 10pm all common sense gets thrown out of the window. If you’re in the middle of an argument at this time: stop it. Trust me. It’ll only get worse. Forget the bible verse: “ Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (ok, I have to be careful here, DON’T make a habit of scrapping bible verses but in my opinion this literally doesn’t work for married couples. And certainly DON’T forget the second part of this verse) If you’re angry, just go to bed. You’ll feel better in the morning and you can deal with the argument after you’ve had some sleep and strong coffee. After 10pm there’s only one thing you should be doing together….
2. Make love to your husband. Lots of it. ‘Nough said.
3. Laugh. Laugh at your mistakes, your hubby’s bad jokes, when it is so tense and there’s nothing else that can be done, when it’s been raining non stop for fourty days… instead of crying, just laugh together.
4. Address their love language however hard it may be. M’s is ‘words of affirmation’ and as a doer, I find it SOOO hard to do, but for his sake I gotta do it. For me,  an ‘acts of service’ girl, although M would rather be reading or working out, if he spends a half hour cleaning the kitchen it just makes SUCH a difference for me (also I heard a statistic that a man’s sex life increases the more housework he does…)
5. Brag about your spouse. Especially when they can hear you (but pretend you don’t know they can hear you). This is particularly important for those of us with ‘words of affirmation’ partners!
6. Don’t give up your favourite activities. Many of us marry our opposites. I don’t know why. Possibly because they interest us. However much time you spend at work or with your spouse, make sure you still have time alone doing your favourite activities and if your spouse loves them, do them together. But if he loves biking and you love baking, makes sure you make time to do these things not necessarily together.
7. Have kids. Get pregnant, adopt, foster. Do whatever you can to have kids in the house. It humbles you, makes you less selfish, adds a wonderful craziness to your life, challenges you and yet brings the most incredible happiness that you will never experience until you have a child in your life.
8. Travel. Get out of your hometown, living in different houses, see the world together. It spices things up, creates more memories, makes you work as a team and brings you closer together, making you rely on each other as opposed to family and friends. M and I have spent all but 3 months of our marriage away from our hometown and I think it has made our marriage so, so rich (though we do miss having grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins around!!)
9. Trust each other and don’t test your marriage. Adultery is the worst, I’ve seen so many relationships affected by this. Do everything possible to make sure it doesn’t affect you or your spouse or it will cripple your marriage and possibly break it up forever.
10. It’s ok to disagree on the little things but it’s important to agree on the big things. I often say that M and I agree on sex, religion and money but disagree on everything else. It’s natural to disagree on things and conflict isn’t always bad, but do try to agree on the main things.
11. Be careful who you complain to. Ok we all need to complain about our spouses (we shouldn’t but we do!) But don’t complain to your Mom about him. She’ll never forgive him. Complain to your friends who know him, they’ll forgive him or tell you to stop whinging and to get over it (which is often the case!)

Finally a tip from the article:

Stop thinking temporarily.

Marriage is not conditional. It is permanent. Your husband will be with you until you die. That is a given. It sounds obvious, but really making it a given is hard. You tend to think in “ifs” and “thens” even when you’ve publicly committed to forever. If he does this, I won’t tolerate it. If I do this, he’ll leave me. If I get fat. If I change jobs. If he says mean things. If he doesn’t pay more attention. It’s natural, especially in the beginning of your marriage, to keep those doubts in your head. But the sooner you can let go of the idea that marriage is temporary — and will end if certain awful conditions are met — the sooner you will let go of all kinds of conflict and stress. Yes, you may find yourself in a horrible situation where it’s absolutely necessary to get a divorce. But going into it with divorce in the back of your mind, even in the way way way back of your mind, is going to cause a lot of unnecessary angst. Accept that you’re going to stay with him. He’s going to stay with you. Inhabit that and figure out how to make THAT work, instead of living with the “what if”s and “in case of’s.”

So there it is. I’m sure I’ve missed things.

What are your tips to make marriage last forever?

In a world where 50% of marriages fail, I think we could all use some advice!

Happy anniversary M!